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  Guidelines for Resolving Marital Conflict
  1. Don't ignore conflict issues.
  2. Listen to the other person.
  3. Select an appropriate time to discuss issues.
  4. Specifically define the conflict.
    • How do you define the conflict?
    • How do you think your spouse defines the conflict?
    • What behaviors do you think contributes to the conflict?
    • What behaviors do you think your wife sees as contributing to the conflict?
    • What are the issues of agreement and disagreement?
  5. What is your contribution to the problem?
    • Choose one word that best describes what you want to discuss with your spouse
    • State what you want to talk about in one complete and specific sentence.
  6. Identify several alternate solutions.
  7. Decide on a mutually acceptable solution.
    • What are the steps to carry out the solutions?
    • What are some of the possible outcomes?
  8. Carry out the best possible solution and new behaviors.

Love is:
Patient and Kind
Never Jealous or Envious
Never Boastful or Proud
Never Haughty or Selfish or Rude
Never Demanding its Own Way
Never Irritable
Never Holding Grudges
Never Glad about Injustice --
but Rejoices in Truth
Always Protecting
Always Trusting
Always Hoping
Always Persevering

(I Corinthians 13:4-7)

Go love your spouse!

10 Ways to Build Up Your Marriage

  1. Read the Bible and pray together. Obey God's directives for your marriage (Eph. 5:22-33).

  2. Accept the fact that your mate is not perfect (Ro. 3:23).

  3. Focus on the good qualities of your mate (Phil. 4:8). Make a list of the good qualities and compliment your spouse on these qualities often.

  4. Admit to your spouse when you are wrong (1 Pe. 5:5-6).

  5. Verbalize your love, and show affection (Eph. 4:30-31).

  6. Forgive one-another (Eph. 4:32)

  7. Plan your budget together and stick with it. Put God first in finances (Matt. 6:33; Mal. 3:8-10). Get out of debt and stay out (Phil. 4:19; Ro. 13:8).

  8. Don't go to bed with unresolved conflict (Eph. 4:26-27; Heb.12:14-15).

  9. Don't discuss your spouse's shortcomings with friends and relatives (Pr. 11:11-13).

  10. Be united in the disciplining of children (Mt. 12:25).

You're more likely to get what you want from your mate if:
Your complaints are specific.  Try focusing on your spouse's behavior instead of personality.  Use descriptive words instead of judgmental words.  Use humor instead of sarcasm.

Ways to Keep Your Marriage Alive

  • Make your marriage a priority.
  • Maintain your sense of humor.
  • Spend time alone with your spouse at least once a week.
  • Deal with conflict and differences of opinion directly.
  • Be spontaneous and stay out of ruts.
  • Maintain your own interests.
  • Seek professional help if conflict in your marriage is increasing.

Admitting Past Failures

"To admit your own past failures does not mean you are accepting all the responsibility for your troubled marriage. It does mean you are no longer using your spouse's failures as an excuse for your own."
From Chapman, Gary (1998). Loving Solutions : Overcoming barriers in your marriage. (Click title to order)

Six Truths That Can Give Direction To A Troubled Marriage

Gary Chapman speaks of  six truths that can give direction to a troubled marriage:

"I am responsible for my own attitude"; 
"Attitude affects actions"; 
"I cannot change others but I can influence others";
"My actions are not controlled by my emotions"; 
"Admitting my imperfections does not mean I'm a failure"; 
"Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world".

From Chapman, Gary (1998). Loving Solutions : Overcoming barriers in your marriage.



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